2025

since childhood

i have often been seized by

violent vivid visions

my best friend dying my brother dying my boyfriend dying

​

car crash. plane crash. home invasion. cancer.

bullet holes. bloody wrists. empty bottles. flashing lights.

sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry for

your loss

​

i lie awake and undone

tears dampen my pillowcase, salt nips at my cheeks

i shake myself from reverie

what the fuck is wrong with me

​

but perhaps

i hyperventilate beneath blankets because

method lies ensconced within madness:

imagining the unimaginable

perverse preemptive protection

​

a fire drill for the heart